Bany

Silver Moon
Joined
Jul 4, 2020
Messages
1
A warm hello to Cha-zay and the entire Core Freedom community,

First of, thank you Cha-zay for admitting me into your community. I’m looking forward to interacting with you and other like-minded individuals here on this platform you’ve built.

My name is Baise (Bany). I was born and raised in Germany to Turkish parents. I have an undergraduate degree in English language education and linguistics, which is the reason why I decided to take a leap of faith and move to the U.S. in my mid-20s via an “au-pair in America” program. I worked as a nanny for several years before and while I put myself through grad school in New Jersey and then ended up getting a work visa and started working in language schools in New York. Fast forward 20 years and I’m still in this wildly crazy city!

How did my “spiritual journey” start? I have to admit, it took me a long time…My story is not a remarkable one but if you’re interested, bear with me while I tell you about my journey. About a year after my move to the U.S., I started to experience panic attacks. At the time I had no idea what I was experiencing and what was happening, as this was all new to me. My heart would start beating at super speed, I’d have shortness of breath, uncontrollable twitching of the muscles in my thighs, hot flashes and a general feeling of panic. In the beginning, it was just one or two isolated incidents, but then maybe after 6 months or so these symptoms started to manifest on a regular basis, to the point where one morning I woke up and felt like someone had literally pulled the plug on me. I could hardly get out of bed, let alone move a finger. I was young, healthy and lived in a healthy environment in the suburbs at the time, so why was this happening? I went to see a doctor and all the tests came out perfectly fine, which was very frustrating. I had this constant pressure and heaviness in my chest (heart area) and maybe the worst: the feeling like there was this big lump in my throat…I liken it to when you take a big bite of an apple and swallow it and you feel that big chunk being stuck in your throat… now imagine that sensation 24/7. It’s terribly uncomfortable and very scary, to say the least. I was told that it was most likely stress related and was prescribed a low dose of antidepressant (SSRI) and although I’d never taken any pharmaceutical drugs before this incident (except the occasional pain killer) and I’m pretty much against all of that stuff for various reasons, at the time it seemed like the only option that was available. One month later, my symptoms would go away and I’d improve. After a year on the drug, I’d wean myself off and was fine until maybe 1-2 years later things would act up again. So I’d say I suffered for about 15 years with anxiety disorder accompanied by depression. In the earlier stages of all of this, (2007), I moved to New York for a teaching position in adult education. I was excited and happy about this new chapter in my life and had some good years here in New York, but lo and behold, out of nowhere would come these dark and scary times again to the point where I developed agoraphobia and an extreme fear of going onto the subway (and planes). If you’ve ever been on a New York subway during rush hour and have been stuck in a subway tunnel for 20-40 minutes, I think you’ll understand that anxiety/panic disorder and being stuck in an underground tube are a recipe for disaster. I started to fear and dislike New York. My depression got worse. However, in class I had to ACT all cheerful and dynamic, while I just wanted to be safe at home or in a healing place. The sounds and the crowds of the city, especially during rush hour had become overwhelming and unbearable to me during serious anxiety episodes and I felt like drowning over and over again.

Although I had tried to educate myself about anxiety disorder, panic attacks and depression as much as I could and this helped to a certain extend to understand my body and how the brain can trick one into all kinds of things, when an actual attack struck, I felt like I was back to square one again. There had to be a way out of this! I did extensive research into alternative medicine and energy healing methods and came across Reiki… and THIS is where everything began.

I was rather skeptical in the beginning as I didn’t know much about energy healing, but I always like to keep an open mind. I took me another year to actually make an appointment. Somehow I had this very strong feeling that it had to be the “right” healer not just anyone, because I didn’t want to be disappointed. For 1 year I kept searching on the Internet for that “right” person, only to return to the same energy/intuitive healer’s website over and over again. This healer had glowing 5 star reviews on yelp…people were talking about feeling stuck in their corporate jobs, having depression or a feeling of hopelessness among many other physical and mental ailments. They then talked about walking out of their sessions with a sense of direction and a general sense of having had a burden lifted off of them. Many of them wrote about their life taking a turn for the better, etc. It all sounded too good to be true and it most likely wouldn’t happen to me…but at least I could say that I’d tried.

In the summer of 2016 I took that leap of faith and went for it. I think it’s important to say that this energy healer wasn’t very conventional. She didn’t just have you come in and have you lie down on the table and do her work. Her sessions are about 6 hours long. First she talks with you, it’s a bit like talk therapy and then the final 1.5 hours is a Reiki session. The Reiki session for me was unfortunately, like I had predicted, nothing amazing…no crying or laughing due to a sense of relief, no feeling of energetic vibrations moving through my body like many others had described in their reviews… -“Oh well, Baise…what did you expect? Story of your life, etc.” is what went through my mind. Mind you, this healer lady is energetically very powerful and intuitive…I somehow felt it and knew it…she’s was also very compassionate and kind. But I felt extremely uncomfortable on the table. I had to control myself not to jump up and leave, I felt like a hyperactive kid that you’d put in the time out chair and asked it to chill and not move. I’m in general a mellow person and definitely not high strung or hyperactive, yet I had to focus on lying still and letting the “magic” healing happen. After the session, my healer shared with me that the experience is different for everyone and even though I didn’t feel anything or the experience didn’t feel pleasant doesn’t mean the healing isn’t happening. The thing that struck me the most during this session was the quantum concept of “no time and space.” At the time, I knew about this concept, but living in a 3D world, had never given it much thought. The majority of the patients who left yelp reviews and even review videos mentioned that they had been in their sessions for 6-7 hours, but to them it felt like 1-2 hours tops. I never gave this much thought as this is something we often say when we have a good time, right? “Wow, it’s already 7pm!!! I didn’t realize we’ve been talking for 2 hours!” – No, this was nothing like that. I walked in at 4 pm and left at 10:30pm. When I sat down and talked with her it felt like 1-1.5 hours at the most, I mean AT THE MOST and that’s me being generous!!! When she asked me if I was ready to lie on the table I thought to myself, “we’ve barely talked for an hour and she already wants me to lie on the table?” as her sessions are always “advertised” or sold as 6 hours. I wasn’t going to check my phone as that would’ve been rude and I’d left it in my purse anyway. Afterwards, I asked her how long I was on the table and she replied, “about 1.5 hours”, which means we must have talked for 5 hours. IMPOSSIBLE I thought. I again and again went over the things we talked about which wasn’t that much…she intuitively focused on my family and how much responsibility and burden I take and that I’m an empath, a couple more things and that was it. No way was this 5 hours!!! I was alert and present but this didn’t make sense. I walked away from the session knowing that something was out of the norm here. I don’t know what it was but it felt like her home was a very “high vibrational” place for lack of a better word. We had 3 more remote Reiki sessions (part of the package deal), which I was even more skeptical about. The first remote session was very uncomfortable again as I could hardly lie still and felt extremely restless. My thought back then was, “Geez, this Reiki stuff is not for me! I can’t believe I have to endure 2 more sessions.” I mean who is anxious and reluctant about their Reiki sessions, right? My healer encouraged me to go on and told me that my body is resisting but not to worry, the next session will improve and I’ll get used to it. I didn’t believe her, but that’s exactly what happened. My second remote session is when I felt the shift. I was lying on my sofa, expecting to start getting super restless again, but instead, this time I felt calm…maybe ten minutes into the session, I felt for the very first time a mildly tingling sensation starting from my toes, slowly moving up my legs. I focused…was this my imagination? No, it was real…subtle but real…ever so gently that buzzing vibrating feeling went up to my chest and I asked to release my FEAR…release all of it! The sensation got stronger and it felt like my chest/heart split a crack open and something was being released…like a beam or stream of something…tears ran down my face and kept coming and I knew then and there that it was happening to me too. It’s been 4 years since my last remote session. My anxiety has reduced I’d say by 80%-85% and I haven’t had a panic attack ever since.

This entire experience taught me how powerful energy and energy healing is, but most of all it taught me how powerful we are as humans. If only we could harness our energy to heal our mental and physical selves, animals and nature…what a sparkling and healing place our beautiful planet could be!

Later, I found out about Udemy and browsed some courses for self-improvement, metaphysics and energy healing and stumbled upon Cha-zay’s courses and Core Freedom Academy. I have taken a couple of her courses and have also started listening to all of her podcasts and read her newsletters with interest. I enjoy Cha-zay’s insights and down-to-earth style very much and am grateful for all she has to offer.

Finally, in the last 6 years I worked as a Head Teacher/ESL teacher in a lovely boutique ESL school in Brooklyn, but I was getting ready to leave once I figured out which path to take next. Teaching in language schools (and teaching in general) can be very rewarding from an emotional standpoint (definitely not financial), but at the same time it’s a very demanding and draining job. My work often spilled over into my weekends, grading, planning, preparing lessons, etc. The more I got burned out, the more I felt stuck, and the last 2 years I truly lost my spark and my motivation. As language schools depend on foreign students for their survival and my hours got reduced tremendously, I eventually was laid of in June due to Covid-19. The good news is that I saw this coming and took it as a sign from the universe…”If you don’t get your act together and leave, we will take care of this.” The message was written all over the sky. I’ve accepted it and embrace it.

I’m sorry for this rather loooong intro. I know I could have made it much shorter…I even considered deleting most of it several times, but then decided to post the original version. I like hearing about other people’s journeys and why they are on the path they are on, so I felt like sharing mine. Thank you very much for reading.

Stay safe and sound everyone,
Bany
 

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