Myself

Golden Sun (LT)
Joined
Dec 23, 2011
Messages
1,264
Location
The Netherlands
For the past several years I've been remembering a situation in my past as follows; I told a girl I liked her, I can't remember her answer but I do remember her friends laughting at me. This got me angry and I said some very nasty things to the girl, earning me a visit to the school directory because she came home crying. I was able to be a very serious twat as a child.

This situation has been returning every now and again in my mind and for a long while I kept that sentence the same; they laughed at me. Then last week I was like...But what if they didn't? Let me explain.

In 2013 I was being helped to quit smoking hasj and there was one morning where I had smoked before I went to the appointment. I was excited and told about various grand ideas that I had at the time and that excitement jumped over to my consultant and the intern. As a result, they started laughing and joking and I just sat there, getting more and more angry because I felt being laughed at.

So I told that to ambulatory assistant, not sure if thats the correct word for it, and she contacted them and told them how I felt. The next appointment they told me that they weren't laughing at me but that they felt excited by my ideas and that it caused them to laugh.

So fast forward to last week. The same old situation popped into my head, me telling a girl I like her and her friends laughing at me. But then I rememberd the situation of above. How I misinterpreted the laughing of someone about 7 years ago. Could it be that I've misinterpreted the laughing of her friends? It wouldn't be a stretch if I misinterpreted a situation that happened much later in life.

What was the aftermath of the situation, that I could've misinterpreted as a child? Well, I started closing myself off from people, mainly women, and I became very afraid of what others may say about my feelings towards a girl, now woman. I started living in my head, instead of in my body. I moved away from gut instinct to meticulous thinking and I've generally been unable to truly engage in connecting with people. There's always been a distance, a closedness from my end.

So what if a fear is based on a completely wrong interpretation of the situation? I can't answer that, yet. To me it doesn't feel as if it's completely gone, but it sure takes the foundation out of the fear, perhaps.
But maybe someone else has been in a similar situation? Where an experience could've been a wrong interpretation and thus caused some serious blockages later in life.

I'm keen to read about it.
 
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Rona May

May
Golden Sun (LT)
Joined
Mar 25, 2014
Messages
374
There are many times this happened to me. Because of my hearing problems I tend to misinterpret words and situations and I don't ask about it to clear it up. Sometimes like you, when people laugh I thought they are laughing at me. It causes my own anxiety and being closed off to others like you said. Alot of it from my childhood too, and being unaware I had that health problem in the past.

Thank you, this is something I can think about in situations in my past and future.
 

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